I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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