Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Idk if I want to put a bra on
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
