I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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