Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
