Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
