I didn't shave. On purpose
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
