and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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