i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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