My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
