You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize