She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
