I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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