from now on my penis is your penis
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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