Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dick very happy bro
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize