she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
