pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
