he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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