Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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