Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
