I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
