i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
