true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
