I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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