Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
