it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
