Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
