do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
