Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
