I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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