Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Found the puke drawer
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
