How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize