I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
