There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
