my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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