yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
