i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
