You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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