is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
