Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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