Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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