She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
