I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize