I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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