My first STD was from a foam party
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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