we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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