she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
