I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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