her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
