In the future we'll all be gay
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
