How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
