I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
