Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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