I'm so fucking centered right now
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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