help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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