I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
