i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
