i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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