Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
