Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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