Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize