She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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