And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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