When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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