you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
