he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
