I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
