I should be sponsored by Trojan
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
