I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
