just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
