took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
