Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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