Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
